The Office.
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| I'm fat. I'm dark. Don't care. (But seriously, blame it on the shot angle) |
I have less faith in happiness. And sadness too.
I don't bother asking myself if I'm happy or not. Most of the times, I only assume these chain of feelings are caused by some sort of chemical reaction (read: hormones) inside my petty little brain. Serotonin made you happy. Cortisol made you sad. Everything is made up. Allah said in Quran (9:40) - Do not grieve. Look for it.
Pffftt. My entry into might let you think that I am just another self-proclaimed deep-thinking human. Hahahahah. Nope, blyats.. These days, I tend to contemplate a lot on feelings. My own and other's. Are they real? Or just an illusion made up by the hormones? Is it just a mere ideology on human senses of belonging and self attachment? Like I myself, I have a weird feeling of being belonged to my working station, the keyboard, the iMac, the trackpad. I am emotionally attached to them. I see them more often than my friends. That's why.
I used to upload an instagram post on why I love my office few months ago. Whenever I am at my office, I feel content. Somewhat in my solace. By 6.38 pm, when I'm Ieaving the office to call it a day, I feel like I've done a part of my daily life activity. I know that working is forever an ongoing process and it can never be done. This is why I don't bring my workloads home. (Unless the deadline monster is chasing, meh)
This office doesn't make me neither happy nor sad. Weird enough, this place delivered me a feeling like it is sufficiently - home. (And my real home is somewhat weekend's vacation)
As a confession, there are times when I feel like this career is wayyy too challenging for me. Maybe there's a certain task that I am inspirationally-drained by. Not to mention the numbers of time when I had to knock my empty-can-sounded head to beg for ideas. But that's what we call life isn't it?
A bad thing about myself. Although I am a narcissist (now you know), I still hate a quarter of myself for my lacks on critical thinking, my goddamn carelessness, repeated silly mistake in designs, the fact that I am too blurry in the morning without a caffeine kick.. And finally my sense of self-unworthiness. Yada yada yadah.. I know, it takes a lot of time and experiences to polish my design logics. I'm not even 25 yet but I can't stop contemplating on how inadequate I am when compared to my 30++ years old friends.
I don't take it too hard on myself tho. I want to be cool and knowledgeable like Allen and Taylor, but it will surely takes time. And I am a very impatient cocky human.
I was raised by parents that taught me that life is a competition itself. Indeed. Inside the Quran, Allah has taught us to race to what's good.
This office doesn't make me neither happy nor sad. Weird enough, this place delivered me a feeling like it is sufficiently - home. (And my real home is somewhat weekend's vacation)
As a confession, there are times when I feel like this career is wayyy too challenging for me. Maybe there's a certain task that I am inspirationally-drained by. Not to mention the numbers of time when I had to knock my empty-can-sounded head to beg for ideas. But that's what we call life isn't it?
A bad thing about myself. Although I am a narcissist (now you know), I still hate a quarter of myself for my lacks on critical thinking, my goddamn carelessness, repeated silly mistake in designs, the fact that I am too blurry in the morning without a caffeine kick.. And finally my sense of self-unworthiness. Yada yada yadah.. I know, it takes a lot of time and experiences to polish my design logics. I'm not even 25 yet but I can't stop contemplating on how inadequate I am when compared to my 30++ years old friends.
I don't take it too hard on myself tho. I want to be cool and knowledgeable like Allen and Taylor, but it will surely takes time. And I am a very impatient cocky human.
I was raised by parents that taught me that life is a competition itself. Indeed. Inside the Quran, Allah has taught us to race to what's good.
Tell me what's good - Excel in study is good, doing charity is good, feeding your colleague with whatever snack you have, or the stray animals on the way home are good. Becoming better in you career is good.
So, chow.