IT'S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY SOMETIMES
This week I feel like I'm a mess. Not entirely, maybe it is just inside my head, my mind is pretty messed up. To be honest, last week I was pretty heart broken to know that the guy I solemnly had a crush on, belongs to another worthier girl than me. But deeply I feel that it was okay. Like I personally know that this guy is not someone that I can get married with, since he is not a Muslim, he's a bit alcoholic too.
And I also believed that this 'crush feeling' must be opposed by God. Hahaha. My mom must be paying hard for me to not being ended up with this guy. For sure.
Okay. Due to the heartbroken situation, my level of anxiety is at the peak this week. I feel bad about everything. My confidence level hit the ground. I feel like I am the ugliest girl around.
I SHOULD NOT CARE ABOUT THIS KIND OF FEELING. THIS IS JUST THE SAD HORMONE. IT MUST BE JUST CORTISOL.
Denials is the first phase. 'That might be his sister, maybe I was mistaken.." And then I suddenly feel very enraged, angered by the fact that this guy is treating me so well. You shouldn't treat me that special, I was developing feelings for you when you did those sweet things to me.
The next day, I started to think about my pre-decision of ' What if I just stay this close to this particular guy. Maybe someday this guy might know that having me as his partner is economically better than having the prettier girl. Lol'. But to me, I am such a low-ass bitch if I do so. As a feminist, we don't steal other girl's happiness. Yeah. I was bargaining on my to-do actions when I realized that hmmm. What if I just accept that reality that I'm just ugly. And it's wayyyyyy too depressing to constantly self-blaming yourself.
SO I ACCEPTED MY DEFEAT.
But wait for me.
ONE DAY YOU'LL SEE ME AND YOU'LL KNOW THAT I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER THAN YOU. AND I'LL BE BETTER IN TIMES. YEAYYYY.
And don't worry I will invite you to my wedding.
And I also believed that this 'crush feeling' must be opposed by God. Hahaha. My mom must be paying hard for me to not being ended up with this guy. For sure.
Okay. Due to the heartbroken situation, my level of anxiety is at the peak this week. I feel bad about everything. My confidence level hit the ground. I feel like I am the ugliest girl around.
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| I would like to thank my friend Timmy for calming me down with this Namjoon. |
I SHOULD NOT CARE ABOUT THIS KIND OF FEELING. THIS IS JUST THE SAD HORMONE. IT MUST BE JUST CORTISOL.
Denials is the first phase. 'That might be his sister, maybe I was mistaken.." And then I suddenly feel very enraged, angered by the fact that this guy is treating me so well. You shouldn't treat me that special, I was developing feelings for you when you did those sweet things to me.
The next day, I started to think about my pre-decision of ' What if I just stay this close to this particular guy. Maybe someday this guy might know that having me as his partner is economically better than having the prettier girl. Lol'. But to me, I am such a low-ass bitch if I do so. As a feminist, we don't steal other girl's happiness. Yeah. I was bargaining on my to-do actions when I realized that hmmm. What if I just accept that reality that I'm just ugly. And it's wayyyyyy too depressing to constantly self-blaming yourself.
SO I ACCEPTED MY DEFEAT.
But wait for me.
ONE DAY YOU'LL SEE ME AND YOU'LL KNOW THAT I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER THAN YOU. AND I'LL BE BETTER IN TIMES. YEAYYYY.
And don't worry I will invite you to my wedding.