Selective Selfishness is OKAY!

I am sorry if I ever hurt anyone by being me. This is just my point of view. Sharing UI/UX tips, science insights, life hacks; OK. I'm fine when I need to share intangible assets. You need my time? Sure, I can spend time listening to you, as long as you're not abusing it. I want to go to the supermarket within my own scheduled time, and you also want to buy something? Sure, I can tag you along and drive you.

You want to use my car? NO! But I am willing to drive you places, as long as you don't set your feet on my pedals. You want to sit on my bed? NO! You want to use my phone? NO! (unless I am requesting you—probably a Dev to stage the app on my device, or you're a close family member, my best friends or someone who urgently needs it). Want to borrow my clothes? Similar concept, I can allow it if you're my best friends, my mom or my siblings—Other than that, NO! Yes, Sharing is caring, the more you give, the more you'll get back—But we all should put a limit to that or else everyone can easily make use of you before you even knew it.

Sorry for not being sorry. I tend to be selfish—selectively.

Disclaimer: Islam urges every of its believers to race on whatever that's good, doing charity, spread goodness to fellow mankind, treat others- Muslim and non-Muslim, kindly. So, if you perceive the contents written here is bad, then, that is me being bad as an individual, not representing my entire religion. I am not a stereotype of a good Muslim.

First of All, Everyone Has Their Own Rights.

I have my own right to decide on behalf of my own material belongings, my money, my body, my physical and intellectual efforts, where should I spend my energy to, where should I invest my mood into... Most of the things in life are choices; you can choose to take control, you can choose to let others take control of you and feel hurt, you can blame yourself and move on, you can blame others. You can choose to be offended when it is actually your insecurity that ate you up, and you can choose to put your chin up and become the bigger person that you are destined for.

Most importantly, stand up for yourself! You do you. You help you. Whatever that makes you feel bulletproof, do it. 

As long as it's legal and halal la, hehe.  I strongly believe, when I'm being selfish for protecting my belonging/rights it is not an actual act of being selfish, instead, I'm just serving my own principle. I choose not to make me feel irritated and anxious by helping people I don't feel like helping—This is #selflove.

Why I Don't Like to Share (to selective people)?

I grew up in an upbringing that required me to be independent AF. My mom taught me to sell 'Tapai Ubi' (Fermented Tapioca) from door to door when I was still in my primary school, standard 3-4. Imagine, a mini-me needed to cycle my ass off every weekend across the hot Kampung road. My dad only gave me 50¢ for the morning Sekolah Kebangsaan school and another 50¢ for the afternoon session Sekolah Agama. Working with my mom was the only option for me to earn extra pocket money to allow me to buy the canteen's Ayam Goreng that was priced at RM1. There was no one that I can depend on at that time for extra money. If there was one, it probably was from God, bestowed to me as payment for my hard work.

That's why I don't quite like some selective people who easily ask for this and that. I also won't ask for things, unless it is my last resort. Like, when you want to buy something, go buy it, don't just simply ask people to buy it for you. I am not your wife or husband who obligated to please you. Actually, you can, but pay me like I am a legit workforce that works for you. I want people to be grateful and also to have some concept of humility.

I Learned It The Hard Way! It might not be that hard actually.

2006—When I was in form 1 at the boarding school, I once got 'verbally slapped' at the DM (Dewan Makan) from my hostel friend, Dayah for asking the boiled egg yolk (I forgot, was it the yolk or the white) from Nabila—Although last time me and Nabila already had this pre-agreement since she doesn't eat it. Dayah last time asked me in front of everyone, "Kau ni memang suka memintak ye? (or mengicak, I forgot the term, but this was her context)". It may be just a simple question, but for me, as a weak, sensitive student (lol), I died a little inside from humility. From that day onward, I kept it quiet, unless Nabila offered first, to save my pride and dignity.

I want to ask you guys a question.

Do you like it when people always ask something from you? Either they need your help or something that you own — multiple times?

I tried hard not to be the person that does this, I told myself, I am a dignified person. I must work hard, prepare myself enough to not become a burden to others. If I go eat with someone, I vow to offer 'Split the bill' term to show that I am a responsible person. I also keep emergency money in case I financially troubled, so I won't bug my family. But there are actually thresholds of when you can ask for a favor back; like during some traffic emergency, when you forgot to bring enough cash and the restaurant don't accept e-wallet, etc.., but you must grant the other party a favor first.

Anxious? chamomile tea is good for minor anxiety.

Who Are The Selected Victim of My Selfishness?

People who actually can do the favor themself but still ask me to do it. (i.e. "Aan, can you help me buy the drink at the shop downstairs" — Why don't you buy it yourself? "I'm lazy la to wear proper cloth and go down" Reason I'm Being Selfish: Lazy people shouldn't be helped.

People who abuse their privilege of being helped by me. You should only be asked for help once or twice. I hate it when I helped people and treated them nicely, they started to beg for more. I want to help you sincerely, not because I feel forced to do so because of my overly emphatic psychological habit. There's this Bahasa Malaysia proverb saying 'Diberi betis, nak kan peha' - meaning, 'Give someone an inch and they will take a yard'. If you don't feel sincere, better don't do it since you won't get any 'pahala' doing so. Reason I'm Being Selfish: Opportunist that progressively misuses somebody's weakness of saying 'no' to make gains for themselves, sila meninggal.

People, particularly those who financially-challenged because they don't want to prepare themself, adapt themself and don't even bother to save money to help themself. This is a chronic Malaysian problem. Please, everyone; BE INDEPENDENT and keep your self-respect up high. You all know that life is like uncertain weather, some days the sun shines on you, then the other days there will be blizzard and hailstorm raging onto you. This is why you guys should always be prepared, Do not be too dependent on someone, your husband, your best friend... Okay, maybe it's fine to ask for help once, but you should also make some effort to take control of your hard situation. You need to help yourself too rather than keeps on asking people to help you. I watched 'TV3 Bersamamu' last time, a reality show where the TV3 station helps poor people. There was this one family that said, our ambition is to be starred in 'Bersamamu', what the hell?. Law of survival, people need to adapt to their situation. Those who don't want to adapt and overcome the hurdle in life will be left behind. Heh. Reason I'm Being Selfish: This kind of person needs to be taught that this is the reason why the poor will become poorer, why their already hard life will become harder.


Life is harsh. I know. OK bye, sorry again.